Today is Thursday and the bathroom needs cleaning. Again. I’ve already cleaned it twice this week, both times on Sunday. Wow, Amanda! Your bathroom must always be so clean if you spend that much time on it! False. Utterly and totally false. If you’re expecting tips and tricks on how to keep a clean house while working full time and raising a brood of children, you’ve come to the wrong place. Let’s add “good housekeeper” to the list of genes that skipped me during creation.

As part of my clean up on Sunday I attended to my bathroom with vigor. I really covet when my bathroom smells like a community pool from all the bleach, which lasts about 20 whole minutes before my family destroys it again. This week I shined and polished all surfaces and sniffed for a moment to admire the 30 seconds a week my bathroom doesn’t carry an underlying smell of urine. Job complete! JUST KIDDING.

A few hours later one of my children (who notoriously utilizes too much toilet paper) came running from the bathroom in a panic yelling about water. I jumped into action and made it to the bathroom just at the second that the water breeched the lip of the bowl and began spreading across the floor. Shitwater y’all. Shit. Water. It was still going. For some awful reason, water was still running and it started to spread across the bathroom floor like wildfire. I yelled for towels and a mop while grabbing a plunger in attempt to unclog the drain- I finally succeeded but not until a layer of water claimed the entire tile floor. When I got it under control, my anxiety skyrocketed because I realized what my feet were in… that’s right, shitwater. I spent the next hour re-cleaning the bathroom with bleach, making sure everything got sprayed and sat for at least 10 min and then took a shower.

So not only has my bathroom been cleaned this week, its been cleaned twice and its already in need of more attention. I wonder if they make diffusers that vaporize bleach? That might keep the bathroom mess at bay. Our respiratory status might be in danger but that’s a risk I may be willing to take. Perhaps there is like a coven of bleach fairies somewhere that I could lure in to clean the bathroom a few times a week? They could dip dandelion clocks in little buckets and mop? OK, I know, the fairy idea is a little ridiculous but if any of you know some, give them my contact info. I’m begging you.

Looks like for now I’m stuck cleaning the damned bathroom. As a plus, maybe I’ll inhale so much disinfectant that I’ll be immune to ever getting sick again…

Does anyone know how to keep a clean bathroom? Like other than waiting for all the kids to move out? I’m open to suggestions! (and fairies)

Published by awadleigh

Mother of 5, lover of food, goofy by trade.

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