Birds chirping, sun shining and a gentle cool breeze does something soothing to my soul. This morning I took care of a few things (cleaning the kitchen, again.) and sat with a hot cup of coffee feeling mighty fine. Hubs took the kids out for a bit so I actually got to sit in my quiet, clean-ish house for an hour. I thought to myself “Ah, see? Now my cup is all filled up and I can be an amazing human the rest of the day!” Turns out my cup may have a crack or it’s actually like a flour sifter or something because boy did that fill up deplete fast.
I took advantage of the warm weather and brushed my dogs out on the patio. The yard now looks like an animal exploded into piles, we’ll hope it rains soon. My gentle breeze blew the gate open and Remus took off through the neighborhood like a bolt of lightening to do zoomies around the 8 yards that mine backs to that are not fenced. Oh and his recall command? It’s great when the option of galloping across open space while singing “Born Free” is out of the picture. We managed to lure him back relatively quickly with the use of rolled up pig skin treats, sorry pigs…
Upon returning him to the house I found that Sophie had her entire body and all four paws up on my kitchen table to slurp down some leftover ramen that one of my children didn’t clean up. AWESOME. At least they are brushed and sprayed so they don’t stink so bad for a bit. You know, like five minutes. Then I also needed some soap.
Oliver got this toy a few weeks ago. Its a pink mommy shark that sings the baby shark song when you put it in the bathtub. I hate it. Its been haunting me since the moment it arrived. The first day I went to shower and turned on the water I damn near jumped out of my pants when suddenly “Baby Shark” filled the room. I’ve remembered to put it on the ledge of the tub since. Sometimes I randomly flick water in the shower and its enough to make a semi-connection and it plays the first note jumpy like and suddenly I find myself in a horror movie. Oy- anyway. Today I was lathering up when suddenly I heard a muffled voice through the door:
“What? I’m in the shower, be out in a min.”
and again “Mom?”
“Yeah? I’ll be right out, just a min!”
“FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING SACRED I’M IN THE SHOWER AND I’LL BE OUT IN A DAMNED MINUTE! GO ASK YOUR FATHER FOR WHATEVER YOU NEED!”
Then I realize… its the fucking shark. The battery is dying and enough steam built up to make a semi connection and I was yelling at a bathtub toy. For the record, the bathtub toy doesn’t listen when I yell either. I had to stick it out of the tub, dry it off and chuck it in a pile of clothes to shut it up. Can’t a woman wash her hair around here?
Lily and I wanted to go on a little adventure to celebrate Independent Bookstore Day because we fully believe this should be a national holiday. This afternoon we put on human attire and attempted to sneak out when Oliver spotted us and came running at the car. I swear that child was born with some sort of internal seeking device that can detect my every move. So, Oliver joined us and I told him he could pick out a book at the new store we were going to check out. We made our way to Montclair, NJ to visit the Watchung Booksellers (you can find them here https://www.watchungbooksellers.com/) which was quaint and adorable, I’ll be going back sans children for sure.
While waiting to go inside there was a little table of treats, including cupcakes, set out on a table. Of course, Ollie wanted a cupcake and I told him we’d grab one on the way out so he didn’t get messy in the store. After attempting to browse the selection while being interrupted by “mom?” and “what’s this” oh I don’t know, like skatey eight bazillion times, we finally had our selections. Oliver got me for toy at check out too. Mission complete! Then, the worst thing imaginable happened. We exited the store to find that the cupcakes were GONE. They had been cleaned up for closing while we shopped. Now I had promised a cupcake and I had no cupcake. Fuck. I called Sid and asked him where I could buy a cupcake, he didn’t know. I mean, he’s not google but I was already driving and thought it was worth a shot.
I started wracking my skull for somewhere I could buy a cupcake. Shoprite has them, (mom, I want a cupcake) but I wasn’t dragging these two into Shoprite on (mom, I still want a cupcake) a Saturday for a cupcake, I had little sanity left as (mom, I want a cupcake) it was. Yes, Oliver, I know. You want a cupcake and mommy is trying to figure out where to get one. Hmm… are there any (mom, can we get a cupcake?) bakeries around? Our local cupcake place had closed I knew… (mom?) OLIVER, I know you want a cupcake. If you don’t stop asking about the cupcake I won’t be getting a cupcake (ok, mom). Hmm, does Walgreens carry cupcakes? (mom, I really want a cupcake) HOLY SWEET JESUS OLIVER I KNOW. Target. Target has those tiny cupcakes I always get when I’m supposed to bring desert and I have to pick up a present to wrap in the car on the way to the party I have known about for 3.5 months now and failed to prepare for. Target it is. (mo….) Oliver! We are gonna stop at Target for a cupcake, we will be there soon! (yay!)
Ok Ollie, we are almost at Target. We are not getting toys, we are getting your cupcake and leaving (ok mom). As we breached the doors of my favorite place, Oliver suddenly forgot his arrangement and asked for a toy. No, baby, remember? No toys today, we are just getting your cupcake and going home. Oliver says “Um, maybe I don’t want a cupcake.” I could feel the blood pulsing through every artery of my brain. My ears got hot, my chest tightened. Deep breaths, mama. “Ollie, we made a deal and daddy is waiting for us. You can pick out what kind of cupcake and then we will go home.” Ok, mom! PHEW.
But I wasn’t out of the woods. OH NO. The 4 min and 52 second drive home was full of yelling because the cupcakes were for after dinner and I wouldn’t let him eat one in the car. I refrained from throwing the damned cupcakes out the window but didn’t for two reasons. 1. That’s littering. 2. I’m gonna want one of those effing mini-cupcakes later so I’d be punishing myself.
As I came in here to write this, Ollie came in and apologized “I’m sorry for yelling to you, mommy.” So, of course, now I’m ready to buy him a friggin bakery because he’s so damned cute and I know he was just overtired. I’m getting another break tonight, my older kids are babysitting so Sid and I can celebrate a friends birthday. By tomorrow I’ll be ready to do it all over again… maybe.