foxes, ear vacuums and spray bottles.

Also, painting tape, popcorn kernels and suspected murder.

It’s been an adventurous few days here. Yesterday I had to get two different kids to two different doctors while working and making it back online for a scheduled meeting at 4 pm. Add lack of sleep due to the urine incident (you can read about that here) my anxiety was running pretty high all day. It got done though, it usually does.

Our second appt of the day was at the ENT for my second oldest. He’s been having some ear issues the last week or so and we figured it was time to see the real pros. When we arrived they said “Oh, he has been here before?” and I stared in bewilderment. “Yeah, we show him as a patient in 2009” she said. Then it hit me. The popcorn kernel incident.

When he was four, he placed a popcorn kernel so far into his ear canal that we were unable to remove it in the ER (where I worked at the time) nor in the ENT office so we ended up in the OR for kernel extraction. Hospital staff got a big kick out of that one, my wallet and sanity did not. Turns out, the reason he’s been having ear pain and hearing loss is that his canals were so impacted with wax they had to be vacuumed. VACUUMED. Add that to the list of cleaning chores I’ve clearly been neglecting, vacuuming my kids ear canals.

After a long, exhausting day it was time to settle down but he was still having ear pain. As I walked towards his bedroom to offer him a heating pad for his sore ear, I came upon Owen who immediately hid upon seeing me enter the room. Crap. What’s he doing that he’s trying to hide? Is 8 too young for this? No worries, Amanda. He was simply wrapping his entire torso in painting tape for fun. Like a semi-sticky mummy. For F’s sake.

Unfortunately, sleep eluded me again last night. This time I was awakened at 4 am by someone screaming at the top of their lungs in pain. I flew out of bed and attempted to shake off the sleep from my brain to figure out which of my children needed saving. They were clearly being murdered. Someone broke into my home and was trying to murder my children! So. Much. Screaming. As my adrenaline kicked up to full gear I realized the screaming was coming from outside. OMG. Are my kids outside?! Are the neighbors OK?! I leaned out the window and then I realized… foxes. GD foxes. Have you ever heard foxes screaming? It sounds like humans being murdered or like pterodactyl mating season. I tend to lean towards murder due to all the true crime I emerge myself in and also I’ve never actually experienced pterodactyl mating season first hand, so I could be wrong on that one.

Coffee began early today, luckily the children were pretty good about getting ready this morning. Well, minus when I walked into the living room to catch my daughter smacking her brother over the head with a dust pan. Oh, and also the fact that she asked me to buy her a spray bottle which I had assumed was for her hair or something but really she wanted to use it to spray O like a cat when he pissed her off.

Is it time for bed yet?