organization.

Apparently my zodiac sign failed to bless me with the gift of organization and simply made me a woman with control issues but no motivation or follow through. Thanks for nothing, Virgo.

My head is very often filled with ideas of what I want my house to look like and I can actually FEEL the sense of calm and control that would come with it. I’d wake up in the morning and glide on clouds to my coffee station with cute kitschy mugs and pour myself a hot, soothing start to the day. I would cuddle up in a clean living room with a lap blanket and sip on my perfect brew until the children fluttered around me with their angel wings, surrounding me in a halo of adoration.

In reality, I drag myself out of bed and nearly kill myself on a robot head someone left on the floor. I shuffle to the bathroom hoping that the last person left me some toilet paper. I kick a bunch more shit out of my way to grab a cup of coffee in a mug I have to wash first because I forgot to put it in with the dishes last night. Moaning and protesting fill the house as I begin to rouse the children for the first round of “get out of bed”. The dogs nearly trip me six times on my way to feed them and the guinea pigs wheek because I haven’t already chopped them a salad… all before 8 am.

A full masters degree thesis could be written about times I’ve attempted to minimize our house, clean it or organize it. Once in a while I will read or watch something that motivates me and I start throwing things away and pretending this is the time I get my life in order and will keep it that way forever and ever… LIES.

Shit gets in the way, my children are slobs and I can’t possibly keep track of every banana peel that leaves the kitchen. The mess builds, I get overwhelmed and then I just ignore it. Well, I mostly ignore it. What actually happens is I walk in the room and get anxiety and choose to go back to another room where I can pretend that I don’t suck at housekeeping. Eventually, I’ll have a day or three where my energy and motivation will allow me to keep the house suitable for habitation… mostly.

Before bed, I’ll browse Pinterest and the pretty pictures will help me to create false narratives in my head again about what my house will look like someday. I’ll save schedules that I’ll stick to for a while, “hacks” for organizing and DIY crafts to make my house pretty on a budget. Fantasies will dance around in my brain about all the time I’ll have to devote to a skin care routine because my house is so clean and soothing I can focus on myself… all while I hide under my comforter, pretending that if someone dropped by unexpectedly I wouldn’t have a panic attack at the way we live on a regular basis.

Why don’t you hire a cleaning lady, Amanda? Well, firstly that costs money. American dollars to be exact. Two- they don’t do clutter. Do you know how much I’d have to clean before a cleaning lady could even come and just mop the floor? By that point, I’ll just mop it and save my money for ice cream to eat my feelings. Maybe chili fries. I haven’t decided.

Are you an organized person? Have you found a system that works and that you can stick to? Do you want to eat ice cream and chili fries with me?