I believe the correct term for this is “racing thoughts” but in the wee hours of the morning I think of it as the brain train that I can’t seem to catch. Anxiety takes many forms and one of mine is racing thoughts that don’t even get finished before the next one starts. Picture standing in the NYC subway trying to catch your ride to work but all the trains never actually stop. They slow down just enough so you can make them out but you can’t manage to get on one.
In the middle of the night I woke up uncomfortable. Of course I got up to pee and then was wide awake. Suddenly, I was standing in grand central station with trains whirring passed and couldn’t even see one completely to be able to address it and get it to stop. It goes a bit like this:
OK, Lil has to be at the orthodontist by 12:10. Its 15 min to get there. But I might get stuck at the ACTUAL train crossing in Dover so maybe leave an extra 5 min early just in case. That’s 20 min there and 20 min back, 5 min in the office if we are lucky. Any more than that and I have to make up time at work because my 45 min lunch will be over. After the orthodontist…
What do I need for the Lunar Faire? Tables, tent, lights but not electric. Tags? Should I print things or hand write them? Chairs. Snacks, duh. Oh I’ll probably need…
OK if I finish a project a day that gives me 14 bigger things to sell. I need some smaller things that work up quick. I’ll have to make a list for a run to the craft store. I’ll need…
I still need to buy toiletries for vacation. Do I have enough sheets? I haven’t made ahead any of the food I planned to bring. I need to make a grocery list. What are easy dinners that I don’t have to make ahead? Is there a laundromat near the house?
GAHHHHHH brain! We can deal with all of these things tomorrow!
So I made a head sandwich.
Elaboration: Head sandwich is where you put a pillow over your noggin in an attempt to eliminate all possible stimuli to your brain. But you’re old and your neck hurts. So you can’t use your sleeping pillow. You have to get a second pillow to put over your head- head sandwich.
Where are my headphones? I’ll listen to my book to focus my thoughts so I can fall back to sleep. **Flails around the bed looking for headphones in the dark** HOW DO HEADPHONES DISAPPEAR OFF YOUR BODY WHEN YOU DON’T EVEN MOVE?!?! Oh well.
I finally drifted back to sleep to be awoken less than an hour later by a child puking on my comforter… and my headphones. At least I found the headphones?
If you see me today I might be cranky. Hand me coffee, tell me I’m pretty and take my children so I can nap. Thanks, friends.